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Plot: A group of teens arrive on an island for a rave--only to discover the island has been taken over by zombies. The group takes refuge in a house where they try to survive the night.
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Recent Reviews
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MCT:August 25, 2008This is a review about the videogame series. It's a good arcade game even though eye never could beat it with only three dollars worth of quarters, shame. Deduct four and a half stars for film review. Two little words are needed to let you know that this movie sucks...Uwe Boll. Yes ladies and gentleman this film was indeed directed by the infamous movie killer. Eye have the missfortune somehow just having to watch movies in cinema hell! Go to Far Far AwayLand before thinking of giving this a look!
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MCT:August 15, 2008Quite possibly one of the worst movies EVER. Why did I waste my time with this? This was such crap, the story, the "acting", the "effects", the "zoombays". Everything was bad, it did such an injustice to the games it sickens me. Not scary or good, and, to make it worse, they insert random clips from the video game. I don't like movies where the zoombays are gay, and run, sometimes I do, but not this time. The directing of some of the shots was just crap. DON'T EVER SEE THIS MOVIE!
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MCT:August 4, 2008
Another movie sometimes confused for House of 1000 Corpses, but wasn't. A movie also confused for a skary movie, but wasn't.
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MCT:July 26, 2008Know what? I do not believe I ever played "House of the Dead," but I played a heck of a lot of "House of the Dead 2" around 1999. They had it in the laundry at Camp Wilson, and while I waited for my clothes I would sometimes pop in a few quarters to pass the time. So, there I am in the middle of the California desert, waiting for my cammies and unmentionables to tumble dry, but pretending I am a secret agent fighting undead horrors in Italy. Lance Corporal Bajjani would sometimes join me, meaning there were two Marines saving Italy from rotting mutant monsters while their uniforms got intimate with the Snuggle Bear.
However, the interesting thing about "House of the Dead" is that Uwe Boll really did not care about the game's plot. He just wanted the name. The movie Mr. Boll wanted to make was "Zombie Island Rave Massacre," but he rightly deduced that nobody would buy theater tickets for a movie with that title; and it might annoy Troma. He needed a recognizable name. Oh, "House of the Dead" will do nicely.
Be glad that Uwe Boll did not get the rights to make "Lord of the Rings." We might have ended up with a movie about four women who go to Vegas for the weekend and discover that Elvis faked his death so he could open a pizza parlor that is only a front for a satanic cult. There would be Desert Eagle .50 caliber pistols, vampires leaping through the air, and strippers. Just to keep the Tolkien fanboys happy, the main female character's last name would be "Baggins." Not quite the same thing, is it?
Greg and the others miss the last boat to the big rave party being held on a remote island. Simon pays Captain Kirk quite a bit of money to charter the Lazarus for a trip to the Isle del Muerto. As the trawler casts off, Casper and her partner run onto the pier and demand that Kirk return so that his boat can be searched for contraband. I guess they do this on the second Thursday of every month. Great idea, check a ship for contraband the same day every month. We can safely assume that Casper does not catch very many smugglers.
Heck, the harbor patrol cannot even catch a lumbering fishing trawler like the Lazarus. Instead of immediately chasing it down and boarding the truculent captain's vessel, Casper decides to shadow Kirk and see where he is going. Yet again, I have to wonder about the harbor patrol's effectiveness at preventing smuggling. The Lazarus deliberately avoided inspection, and now Casper is giving them the opportunity to ditch whatever it is Kirk is hiding.
After the Lazarus arrives at the Isle of the Dead, the excited party goers rush ashore and hike through the forest to the rave. Did you get that? The rave is being held on a cursed island so far out that the mainland cannot be seen, and the revelers have to walk a few miles to get there. Not only that, but once Alicia and the rest of the group do arrive, the rave looks busted. Nobody is around, the place is a mess, and blood-soaked clothing is everywhere. One of those might be normal for a rave (the mess), one of them might be understandable for a rave held somewhere insanely remote (nobody around), but I do not think that blood-stained clothing is to be expected at a rave. At the "party" held when Michigan State loses a basketball game, sure - along with cars set on fire, broken windows, and destroyed street signs, but not a rave.
Note to self: never invite MSU students to my private island for the "Rave of the Century," even if there are not any cars, windows, or street signs for them to break.
As amazingly bad as this script is, it just gets worse. Alicia is the only one freaked out by the decimated remains of the rave camp! Gregg and Cynthia are completely oblivious, while Simon and Karma just want to find out where everybody went. Is this believable? No. Is the script stupid for thinking we don't notice? Yes. I suppose that if the movie were set in Jonestown the characters would wander through, wondering why everybody was taking naps in the middle of the day.
Back at the beach, Captain Kirk and Salish are hard at work offloading their illegal cargo so they can bury it in the forest. Casper is nowhere to be found, because she had her boat drop her off on the other side of the island. In other words, Kirk is serenely hiding evidence while the harbor patrol creeps through the woods to sneak up on him. Once you see how poorly the firearms are hidden in chests and coolers, you will be just as mad as I am. Anyone with an IQ over 65 would immediately realize that the containers had fake bottoms, and that the frozen fish were just a red herring.
What? What are you mad about? That? Here I am reviewing "House of the Dead" and you're going to scream at me for making a bad pun?
It takes a while, but eventually the overactive zombies (or undead mutants, your choice) make their appearance. Then there is running and shooting, and finding Rudy and some other survivors, and, almost forgot, a lot of shots of zombies quickly passing behind people before attacking. Oh, and zombies jumping through the woods. Gotta have zombies jumping through the woods. To even the odds, Kirk breaks out his cache of illegal weapons. The ragtag group arms themselves with machine pistols, grenades, and large caliber handguns.
Now that the would-be ravers are properly equipped, they make a break for the only defendable location on the island: the old house in the middle of the graveyard. The characters swimming to the anchored Lazarus, killing any zombies aboard, and then making full speed for the mainland is never even discussed. Funk that! If crazy undead zombies are running wild, the last place I am heading is toward the decrepit old house in the spooky cemetery (unless my goal is to find and destroy the source of the damned things).
Arriving at the edge of the graveyard, Rudy and his friends discover that a horde of zombies are between them and the house. They decide to assault through the mutant undead. What takes place is a super-action montage of destruction as the ravers shoot their way clear to the house. Short clips from the "House of the Dead" game pop up and some of the characters are given 360 coverage as they kick butt (though their weapons might change from one second to next). It is rather surprising to me, because they seem like a bunch of useless twenty-somethings, but every one of these people is a close combat expert who knows gun-fu. The undead are dispatched a half dozen at a time.
Getting to the house is the easy part. It's getting inside that's hard. By the time the group does find a way in (Rudy climbs through a window to unbar the door), they are almost out of ammo and a few people lighter. Huh, out of ammo? Didn't anybody teach you all to point at the ground and squeeze the trigger to reload?
I already said I thought the movie was stupid. Why not go all the way? At least it would have something in common with the game.
When the cast of "Dawson's Creek: Apocalypse" searches the crumbling house, they find a laboratory filled with bits and pieces of Castillo's experiments. I saw the biological necromancer's workshop and gave up caring. It was as if Boll said, "We need some filler. Screw it; we'll just film the props." He could have spent a little time developing the creator of the undead creatures, Castillo, but no - when Rudy and Alicia finally reach the zombie master's lair the pace kicks into overdrive. Wham, *BLAM*, thank you and goodnight. Movie's over, here's a tie-in to the game (and it involves Rudy's last name, curse my prescience). Don't forget your hat.
I don't have a hat any more; I ate it sometime around the sixty minute mark. It was either that, or turn off the movie and give up writing a review. I liked that hat. Did you read the whole article? Did you like it? Are you laughing at my suffering? You owe me a new hat. -
MCT:July 20, 2008
It's possible this movie is the worst piece of smelling crap you can imagine. Ever! Somebody should tell Mr. Boll that he can't direct and should stop making these kind of films, or any kind. I mean, oh my god this sucks!
A half a star is probably too much! -
MCT:June 30, 2008
Greg: [pointing on a zombie in the water] Shoot it!
Capt. Victor Kirk: What do you think I am trying to do, you fucking moron? -
MCT:June 7, 2008
I don't have to say anything about this one right?! Wait, I do...
WHAT A FUCK!N PIECE OF GODDAMN CRAP!!! THAT RUINS THE VIDEOGAME, THE HORROR GENRE AND CINEMA ITSELF. F#CK YOU OWE BOLL.
Thanks and sorry :-)
50/100 -
MCT:May 31, 2008
this movie sucked......first zombie movie that sucked....then came land of the dead.....dawn of the dead...etc....etc...(only good zombie movie is RE 1 & 2....EXTINCTION SUX!!!)
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MCT:May 23, 2008An Uwe Boll movie! And, surprise surprise, it's really bad!
The makeup effects were pretty cool, and there was a really badass shoot-out in the middle of the movie. That's about all the nice things I have to say.
The acting was mediocre to bad, the characters were about as cardboard-cutout as they come, I didn't give two-shits about who lived and died, blah-blah-blah. Yeah, it's the typical, run-of-the-mill teen-slasher that I hate so much. But the most annoying aspect?
Throughout the movie, clips of the rail-shooter that inspired the movie flash on screen. Why this is, I have come to three conclusions:
1. Uwe Boll was trying to be original
2. Sega would only allow an adaptation of the game if it included subliminal advertising for it
3. The budget didn't allow for any truly elaborate action scenes, so they stole 'em from the game.
My guess is that it's the latter, and for that I applaud Boll's creativity. Did I say creativity? I meant laziness... -
MCT:May 17, 2008Definitely like a music video. Having never played the games, can't say whether it does them any justice. Otherwise, fun to watch once if you like zombies or loud music with over done fighting sequences.
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MCT:May 12, 2008
Sucked! Total letdown! Not only was the acting horrible, but the plot was beyond boring, and I couldn't pay attention to it. The director tried to throw in bits from the video game, and I thought that was kinda cool; however it wasnt enough to save this movie.
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MCT:May 11, 2008
who in their right mind would allow anyone to see this?
this is AWFUL-i don't think the director even saw what he'd made until everyone hated it
so many plot holes and bad acting and terrible effects to bear -
MCT:April 29, 2008
Deliriously over-the-top bad. This movie is based on a video game of the same name and Uwe Boll occasionally cuts to footage from the video game at certain spots in the movie. No, really. This movie and Boll are about as bad as everyone says they are.
Contains the following exchange.
Rudy: You did all this to become immortal. Why?
Castillo: To live forever! -
MCT:April 26, 2008
I remember back at that time when Uwe Boll had his first shot at movie making. Man was it bad or what. Me sitting down watching House Of The Dead back then was like me watching a horror movie gone bad and thats exactly it.
I do not know what Uwe Boll's intentions were but surely they must've been half ass. Not only was this low budget(11 million) but it had no name bad actors,cheap acting and as well as a stupid plot. Teens end up going to an island for a party only to run into zombies?
Not only that but the action was stupid too. Not only was the action sequences nonsense but it had edited game footage in the middle of it. I was like what gives? Also since this was House Of The Dead I was expecting more then zombies but to my surprise no other nasties from the on rails shooter emerged.
This was a waste of time and a waste of money for the producers of this crap fest. -
MCT:April 19, 2008
Impossibly terrible...and no that isn't Bif Naked in it, you're mistaken. Less fun than eating sand.
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MCT:April 3, 2008
This definitely isn't a good movie. It is not realistic, and a lot of what happens and things that are said are downright ridiculous. But I had more fun watching this than I had watching Romero's latest, Diary of the Dead. As expected, some characters/dialogue was funny, but mostly in the first half, and the zombies were actually pretty creepy. And just in case the movie was god awful, Boll made sure to limit the downside by including gratuitous nudity and slow motion, cleavage/boob-bouncing sequences. If Uwe Boll released Diary of the Dead, I bet it would have gotten a 2.0 instead of the 6.9 that it currently has.
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MCT:March 22, 2008
This movie is a complete prime example on how NOT to make a movie! Boll just doesn't get it does he? He is the WORST director on the face of this entire planet. You could give a chimpanzee a camera and could produce Oscar material compared to Boll. Well basically in the film a group of teenagers throw a party on an island, then some zombies come out of no-where and start killing everyone. Then a group of teenagers rally together and attempt to escape the island. So look at the plot, original isn't it? And one of the characters is named Captain Kirk!! The film is made awfully.
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MCT:March 1, 2008
I love this movie, because it has an awesome atmospheric creepiness to it... though the story is very far fetched, I mean Caribbean Pirates in the pacific northwest -- Come on!
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MCT:February 18, 2008
This made me want to take a dump at the back of the movie theater so i could wait around for hours until somebody finally sat in it, and i could hear it go 'squish'. That would be funny to me. Anything to absolve myself for watchin the garbage that had been on the screen.
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MCT:February 9, 2008Quite possibly the worst movie I have ever had the displeasure of watching. In fact, its so bad, I'm not even going to rate it!
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MCT:February 5, 2008
Three words: Piece of S**t!!! The only thing good was the SEGA logo on the party. Zombies run so fast, theres to much sex and nudity (Uwe Boll likes so much sex (with men), so he put sex on every movie).
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MCT:February 3, 2008
Running Zombie, Tattooed guy with a huge tongue? Sounds like the making of a great movie. But man did this movie suck. It just goes to show, video game movies are bad.
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andrzejbanasposted 479 days ago -
